Sexual Intimacy Etiquette: Question 5560: Islam taught us everything how to eat, how to dress, etc. is there any sunnah revealing the etiquette of sexual relations? Which chapters talk about this, are there any reliable hadiths regarding this issue?
Answer: Praise be to Allah.
You said very well that Islam taught us everything. Islam has brought all the blessings for people in matters of their existence; their religions, their lives and their deaths, because it is the religion of the Great and Mighty Allah.
Sexual intercourse is one of the most important issues in our life. Our religion has clarified the provisions related to this issue and established norms and rules with which sexual intercourse becomes not just carnal pleasure and satisfaction of desire, but in combination with good intentions, certain dhikrs and norms, rises to the level of worship for which a Muslim receives a reward. In the sunnah of the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) there is an explanation for this.
Imam Ibn Qayyim (may Allah have mercy on him) in the book “zad-ul-Miad” said: “As for sexual intercourse, the Sunnah of the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) was the most perfect. Its observance preserves health, brings full pleasure and joy to the soul, and leads to the achievement of the goals for the sake of which sexual intercourse is performed. Essentially, sexual intercourse is intended for three main purposes:
First: preserving offspring, and procreation until the replenishment of the population, which Allah has predetermined to appear in this world.
Second: the withdrawal from the body of fluid, the stagnation of which harms it.
Third: satisfaction of desire, receiving pleasure and enjoyment. And this will be the only benefit from sexual intercourse in Paradise, since there will be no reproduction and there will be no stagnation that needs the withdrawal of fluid.
Experienced doctors believe that sexual intercourse is one of the reasons for maintaining health. ” Prophetic Medicine, p. 249.
Ibn Qayyim also said: “From her blessings (ie sexual intercourse), drooping of eyes, restraining nafs (desires), the ability to maintain chastity and help a woman in this. Thus, a man benefits himself in this world and in the next, and helps a woman. Therefore, the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) often practiced sexual intercourse and loved it and said: “From this world I loved women and incense.” Ahmad, 3 \ 128, Nasai, 7 \ 61, Hakim called this hadith authentic.
The Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Let the one who can (marry) marry, since this is most conducive to lowering the eyes and protecting the genitals; and whoever cannot marry should fast, for fasting for him (will be like) a grooming ”. Bukhari, 1905, Muslim, 1400. Prophetic Medicine, p. 249.
The important points that must be observed during sexual intercourse are the following:
1- Sincerity of intentions for the sake of Allah in this matter. A person must make the intention to save himself and his wife from the forbidden, to enlarge the Islamic community to exalt its position, because in the majority there is greatness. At the same time, he should know that he is receiving a reward for this deed, even if in doing so he finds fleeting pleasure and joy. Abu Zarr (may Allah be pleased with him) narrated that the Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “There is charity in your genitals” (ie in sexual intercourse with his wife). The Companions said: “O Messenger of Allah, is it possible that one of us satisfying his desire can receive a reward?” The Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “If he used it (the sexual organ) in the forbidden, would he receive a sin for it? Likewise, if he uses it in a permitted, he will receive a reward. ” Muslim, 720
And it is by the mercy of the Great Allah to this blessed community, and praise be to Allah, who made us from among them.
2- It is necessary to precede sexual intercourse with caresses, kisses and flirting with his wife, because the Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) acted in this way.
3- Before intercourse, one should say: “With the name of Allah, O Allah, remove the Shaitan from me and remove the Shaitan from what You have endowed us with!” / Bi-media-Llyahi, Allahumma, jannib-ni-sh-shaytana wa jannibi-sh-shaytana ma razakta-na! ” The Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “and if they were destined to have a child, then the shaitan will never be able to harm him.” Bukhari, 5165.
4- It is allowed to have intercourse in the front and back position, provided that intercourse is with the woman’s genitals. The proof of this is the words of Allah: “Your wives are a field for you. Come to your field as you wish ”. 4
(Cow, 223) They say that Jabir ibn Abdullah said: “The Jews said that if a man copulates from behind, the child will be born oblique and then the verse was sent down:“ Your wives are a cornfield for you. Come to your field as you wish ”. And the Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “In front or behind, if only in the genitals.” Bukhari, 8 \ 154, Muslim, 4 \ 156
5- In no case is it allowed to have sexual intercourse with a woman in the anus. Allah Almighty said: “Your wives are a cornfield for you. Come to your field as you wish ”. And it is clear that the genital organ is a cornfield, since the conception of a child occurs through it. The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Cursed is he who copulates with women in their anus.” This hadith was quoted by Ibn Adiy, 1/21 and Albani called it authentic.
And this is due to the fact that this action contradicts human nature and causes rejection in normal people, and it also deprives a woman of her share of pleasure, and besides, the anus is a place for the discharge of impurities, etc., which confirms the forbiddenness of this action.
6- If a man has sexual intercourse with his wife, and then wants to engage in intercourse again, he should take a bath. The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “If one of you has made intimacy with his wife and then wants to do it again, then let him bathe between them, this will give him more courage to repeat.” Muslim, 1/171.
Bathing is desirable but not required. If someone can perform complete ablution between two acts, then this is even better, and this is indicated by the hadith narrated by Abu Rafi that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) one day bypassed all his wives, performing complete ablution one, then the other. Abu Rafi said to him: “O Messenger of Allah, why don’t you perform one complete ablution?” The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) replied: “It is cleaner and more pleasant.” Abu Daud, Nasai, 1 \ 79.
7- In the following cases, both spouses or one of them must perform complete ablution:
– when two organs come into contact. The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “If two chitans (genitals) touch, then full ablution becomes mandatory.” Muslim, 526, Ahmad.
In this case, complete ablution is mandatory, even if sperm is not released, and under the contact of two organs, this means the entry of the head of the penis into the woman’s genital organ, and not just contact.
– the release of sperm, even if there was no contact of organs. The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Indeed, water (becomes obligatory) because of water (excretion of semen).” Muslim, 1/269.
Imam Baghavi in the book “Explanation of the Sunnah” (2 \ 9) said: “Full ablution from defilement becomes obligatory for two reasons: when the head of the penis enters the woman’s sexual organ, or when a man or woman’s pouring fluid is released.”
Spouses are allowed to take a full bath together, even if he sees her body and she sees his. Aisha (may Allah be pleased with her) said: “I performed complete ablution with the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) from one bowl between us, scooping up in turn with his hands, and he was ahead of me so that I told him:“ Leave and to me. Leave it to me too. ” At the same time, we were both in a state of sexual contamination. ” Bukhari, Muslim.
8- It is permissible for the one who is to perform complete ablution to go to bed, postponing ablution until prayer. But at the same time it is highly desirable to perform an incomplete ablution before going to bed. This is indicated by a hadith in which it is narrated that Umar asked the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) whether it was possible to sleep in a state of sexual contamination. In response, the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Yes, and let him take ablution if he wishes.” Ibn Hibban, 232.
9- Intimacy with the wife during the menstrual cycle is prohibited. This is indicated by the words of Allah Almighty: “They ask you about menstruation. Say, “They cause suffering. Therefore, avoid sexual intercourse with women during menstruation and do not approach them until they are cleansed. And when they are cleansed, then come to them as Allah commanded you. Indeed, Allah loves those who repent and loves those who are purified. ” (Cow, 222) The one who committed intercourse during menstruation must give in charity one dinar or half a dinar. This is stated in a reliable hadith, in which the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) answered in this way to the person who asked him about it. But at the same time, it is allowed to enjoy the wife during menstruation, in everything except the penis. Aisha (may Allah be pleased with her) said: “The Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) commanded one of us to tie a loincloth during menstruation and then lay down with it.” Bukhari, Muslim.
10- It is allowed for the husband to interrupt sexual intercourse (to excrete semen outside the vagina) if he does not want a child, or to use a condom with the consent of his wife, since she also has the right to enjoyment and to the child. Jabir ibn Abdullah (may Allah be pleased with him) said: “We interrupted sexual intercourse during the Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him), and it reached the Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) and he did not forbid us to do this is”. Bukhari, 9 \ 250, Muslim, 4 \ 160
But it is better not to do this for the following reasons: it interferes with the full enjoyment of a woman, and it also contradicts some of the goals of nikah, including the increase of the clan, as mentioned earlier.
11- Both spouses are forbidden to share secrets related to their intimate life, and this is one of the worst deeds. The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “One of the worst people before Allah on the Day of Resurrection is a man who draws close to his woman, after which he spreads her secrets.” Muslim, 4 \ 157
Also Asma bint Yazid reports that she was with the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) and men and women were sitting with him. The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Perhaps a man is telling what he is doing with his wife, and perhaps a woman is telling what she is doing with her husband ?!”. The people fell silent. Then Asma said: “Yes, O Messenger of Allah! They do it. ” The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Do not do this. Truly, this is how the shaitan meets the shaitanikha on the road and copulates with her, and people watch. ” Abu Dawud, 1/339, Albani called this hadith authentic.
These are some of the rules regarding sexual intercourse. And praise be to Allah, who guided us to this great religion, and showed us the blessings of this and the next world, and may Allah bless the Prophet Muhammad.
“Islam question and answer” Sheikh Muhammad Salih al Munajid